#18 - Colonel Doctor Irina Spalko!

Personally I would have put her into the top 10 based on her psychic abilities alone, but hey - it ain’t my list. What do you guys think of her position on the list, and what other “top” lists does Irina belong on?

The 2-disc DVD edition contains a wealth of special features which we’ll outline for you here:

Indy 4 Disc 1:

• The movie - duh!
• The Return of a Legend—The evolution of the new film and a tribute to the legendary hero and his creators.
• Pre-Production—Follows Steven Spielberg as he creates animatic sequences, Shia LaBeouf as he learns to swordfight and captures the reunion of filmmakers and cast on the soundstage.

Indy 4 Disc 2:

• Production Diary: Making Kingdom of the Crystal Skull—Join filmmakers, cast and crew for a complete look at the making of the film. The diary includes: Shooting Begins: New Mexico; Back To School: New Haven, Connecticut; Welcome to the Jungle: Hilo; Hawaii; On-Set Action; Exploring Akator; Wrapping Up!
• Warrior Makeup
• The Crystal Skulls
• Iconic Props
• The Effects of Indy
• Adventures in Post Production
• Closing: Team Indy
• Pre-Visualization Sequences: Area 51 Escape; Jungle Chase; Ants Attack
• Galleries - The Art Department: The Adventure Begins; Cemetery and Jungle; Akator
• Stan Winston Studio: Corpses, Skeletons & Mummies; Aliens & Crystal Skulls
• Production Photographs
• Portraits
• Behind-the-Scenes Photographs

Absent is the color, 8×10 glossy of Colonel Spalko that I was hoping for, but I can’t deny - that is an impressive pile of special features. Well done to Paramount. Buy Crystal Skull on DVD or Blu-Ray, pop some corn and get ready to watch one of the most unlikely sequels in movie history from your own living room.

Oh yes, ve vill find you, funny persons with the cheezburgers. Sleep vith vone eye open! I have scanned your brain and I know where you live.

To begin you vill find a category where you can introduce yourself, one surrounding the mysterious origins of Irina, a general Cate Blanchett section and a category where you can post your own suggestions. Ve vill develop more categories based on input from our beloved citizens. Please register for the Spalko forums right now and let our almighty reign begin!

Through the course of his homage to our favorite Russian baddie Joel nearly drowns himself in a fishbowl, pool and bathtub, comes close to a beheading and jumps off the roof of his house - all the while his heart beating louder than his well-worn kick drum. Definitely a must-see for the unexpected community that has popped up around AgentSpalko.com. Can anybody outfan Joel’s video love testament? On a related note, stay tuned for a fan-art section in the gallery very soon and feel free to send us your own masterpieces.

4. Indy Didn’t Sleep With Irina Spalko

I never really thought of this as a possibility once Marion Ravenwood’s return was announced. But when Cate Blanchett was initially cast as a sexy Russian agent, I immediately pictured a Russian version of Elsa Schneider. And I naturally assumed Indy would get involved with her, perhaps not knowing she was a Communist spy. That’s what he had done before, right? For the moment, let us pretend that Marion didn’t return and that Spalko was the lone female. I think we can all agree that a romantic hook-up with the sword-wielding psychic would have been a disaster. Even better — Mutt Williams didn’t go to bed with her, either. Thankfully, Lucas and Spielberg avoided at least one father-son homage from Last Crusade. I don’t think I could have retained my sanity if Indy had said “I’m as human as the next man” to Mutt.

I think the cons of dating a Russian psychic would be numerous. She’d know exactly who left the toilet seat up. She’d know why you came home late. You couldn’t lie to her about how much you enjoyed her borscht. She’d even know what you’d gotten her for her birthday. Where’s the fun in that? Throw in a rapier and a pair of thighs strong enough to crush large ants and I’m thinking no amount of marriage counseling could save the situation. What do the rest of you think? Would Indy and Irina have made a good couple?

What did you think of the film and Blanchett’s portrayal? Please leave your thoughts in the comments if you so desire. Without ruining the film’s ending for anyone, we’re especially interested in a discussion as to what exactly happens to Spalko during the film’s climax - it’s definitely open to some personal interpretation.

Detailed Irina Spalko figure is armed with weapons at the ready! Her stoic expression lets you know she means business. Team up with Indy and his crew and try to reach the Crystal Skull – but prepare to face off against this forceful figure in the process! Crack open the top-secret crate to discover a hidden relic and create an adventure of your own!

Get your own Agent Spalko figure by clicking the eBay link in the sidebar or fighting your way through hoards of pre-pubescent boys at the local Walmart.

Note the unmistakable Rooski Red, the brushstrokes dancing in peasant blood and that “come hither, Mutt, so I can skewer you on this rapier” stare. Only 10 days until the sexy psychic is unleashed on Akator - and we are chomping at the shashlik, comrades.

Cate Blanchett’s Soviet Agent Spalko was not at all what I was expecting, especially her being a disciple of the fabled “thought police,” but once again… Russian obsession with ESP and psychic warfare are well documented. Ms. Blanchett engages in a psychological battle with our hero and her performance is so peculiar that on occasion I thought she was being directed by David Lynch. She distinguishes the film from all the others with her singular presence.

I suppose the word peculiar usually has negative connotations, but the dictionary definition reads “different from the usual or normal”, and thet spells “awesome” as far as we’re concerned. Only 12 days to go, everyone!